Homebound…now what?

After a number of days in the hospital, I was able to head home to try to recuperate and build up my strength.

I arrived home with pain meds in hand, drainage tubes pinned to my camisole, and an abdominal binder to provide support to my weakened core. The recliner chair in our sunroom was calling my name and I gladly settled there with a number of pillows to prop me up, some comfy blankets to keep me warm, and 2 small tables full of anything I might have needed within an arm’s reach.

Little did I know that that is where I would be sleeping for the next month.

Having surgery on my abdomen, made me feel pretty taut and hunched over. The thought of laying down flat in a bed did not appeal to me one bit, so I spent my days AND nights in that comfy recliner chair. (Have you ever tried to sit up in bed or get out of bed for that matter, without using your abdomen muscles? You should try it sometime..you’ll find it’s pretty much impossible to do unless you practically roll off the bed…which I don’t recommend. *smile*)

For the first week that I was home I had lots of visitors and help. People brought food, goody baskets full of gifts and thoughtful notes to brighten my day. My dear college friends  even spent a number of hours helping me clean, prep meals, do laundry and whatever else I needed done. I felt (and still do feel) very blessed to have such wonderful people in my life!

My days consisted of sleeping quite a bit and trying to keep on top of what meds I needed to take and when. I also had a number of drainage tubes that needed to be emptied and recorded twice daily. For those of you that are not sure what drainage tubes are….they are commonly used after surgery to help relieve fluid build-up. In order to avoid complications and infection, the tubes are inserted into the surgical area and they are connected to a plastic bulb on the outside of your body that acts as a drain. Once the output of the drain is down to a small amount, they may be removed by your surgeon.

Besides having help to empty my drainage tubes each day, it also seemed to be quite the production to just get a shower in. In order for me not to feel added pressure at the tubal incision areas (from the weight of the drains just freely hanging there), I had to wear a ribbon necklace to safety pin them to as I showered. Once out of the shower, I needed to apply Aquafor (a healing ointment) to all of my incision sites, put on my camisole and abdominal binder and then reattach my drainage tubes with safety pins. By the time I was all clean and dressed…I was ready for a nap!

My drainage tubes were removed after about a week’s time, but my abdomen still seemed pretty swollen. About 2 days after the tubes were removed, I had an appointment with my Oncologist for a checkup and my tri-weekly Herceptin treatment. When I got undressed for my check-up, I noticed that my abdmonen incision was leaking all over the camisole I was wearing.  My Oncologist seemed concerned about the possibility of an infection and she encouraged me to get it looked at by my surgeon.

After a call to the surgeon’s nurse, she had me come in that afternoon. The surgeon was off that day, but the nurse bandaged it up, gave me a prescription for an antibiotic and told me to come back the following week to have it looked at.

When I came back in the following week, the surgeon decided to aspirate my abdomen with a big needle to collect fluid to send away to the lab for review. Although my abdomen still felt numb from surgery, the idea of her using that big needle made me kind of nauseous. L Thankfully it was over with shortly and we received good news from the lab….NO infection! Hooray! The doctor encouraged me wear extra bandages until the leaking subsided (which didn’t happen for a couple of weeks). (Note to self: extra bandages will be needed when drinking wine and laughing with friends! HA! That’s what I get when I go for a scrapbooking weekend away with good friends! Good thing I brought along an extra camisole to wear.)

So, what do you think the first question was that I asked my surgeon at my checkup? You got it! When can I play volleyball? J The answer to my question was that I needed wait a while to heal (and jumping and diving were probably not the best things to be doing too soon in my recovery). Originally, I didn’t think that I would be able to play ball until the beginning of February (about 12 weeks out from surgery), but I was pleasantly surprised when she gave me the green light to start playing in mid January! Woohoo!

Getting out on the court was fun, but I knew I had a lot of work to do! I was overweight, had no core strength to speak of and I had to get used to a new distribution of weight AGAIN (having a chest, having no chest, having a chest….it’s all about balance and getting used to your center of gravity).

It took weeks, and a number of workouts (cardio/weights) for me to feel close to normal back out on the court again…and boy does it feel GREAT! Every time I play volleyball I am in such a HAPPY place. I am so thankful to not be held back by the effects of chemo, radiation, and surgery anymore!! I promise to not ever take that for granted again…

Other things that have been happening in 2014?

-       Well, on Valentine’s Day I went in for my 3 month check-up with my Oncologist and she noticed a hard mass above my left breast. She told me she thought I should have an ultrasound done THAT day. *instant tears* WHAT???? That doesn’t sound good at all. L My anxiety level went through the roof as I contemplated what the weight of that statement really meant. Please God don’t let it be cancer…please, please, please!!

It was a long afternoon as I waited to have an ultrasound done on my chest, but it became even longer when the doctor reading my results thought that we should do a CT scan as well, just in case. WHAT??? More tests?? That doesn’t make me feel very good. I am sure you can imagine the prayers I kept repeating over and over again in my head. I needed strength to get through this and that was the only way I knew how to find it. After an emotional afternoon, I finally received a call from my doctor saying that it was NOT CANCER! Since cancer was not detected, they believe the hard mass was just scar tissue left over from my surgery. R-E-L-I-E-F. Just another reminder that you need to embrace life each and every day!

-       Next up….Good Friday. Again, back at the doctor for my tri-weekly Herceptin treatment. This time, the machine taking my blood pressure, says my heart rate is low. It seems pretty low to the nurse, so she says she would like to take it manually. Still lower than it has been in the past…this doesn’t seem right, so she puts a call in to my doctor. Doctor thinks I should have an EKG and an Echocardiogram done on my heart THAT day. AGAIN? I think I might need to have a glass of wine before going in next time. These extra “same-day” tests are kinda stressing me out!

Herceptin is known to cause damage to people’s hearts, so I have been getting an Echocardiogram every 3 months for the past year and everything has been fine. Now I am nervous! Good news is that they couldn’t find anything wrong with my heart. They think that the lower heart rate may be a result of me working out more than I have in a very long time. That’s it? THANKFUL once again!

-       May Day! It looks like I have a little theme going on here….holidays are a good way to keep track of dates anyways. J So what is going on tomorrow, you might ask? Well…it is my last surgery. It won’t be anything like my surgery in November…this one will be about 3 hours long and I will get to go home afterwards. What am I having done this time? Well, my plastic surgeon will be evening out the work she did in November. She will be smoothing out the sides of my abdomen since they seem out of proportion with the front of my abdomen and she will be resizing my left breast to match my right breast. (She originally made my left breast bigger, since that is the side I had radiation on. Skin behaves differently once it is radiated, so she wanted to let it settle before she reshaped it to match the other side.) Since I was going to be under anyways, I asked her to remove my port as well. I only have one more Herceptin treatment left, but I will just have to have it given to me in my arm instead.

I am sorry that my last two posts have been quite lengthy. I guess that happens when you don’t blog for 4 months! (Shame on me, I know!) I wanted to get you updated on where I have been since the last time I wrote and I guess I had A LOT to say!

Here are some more pictures to share….

I hope to write another update after surgery sometime!

Love to all,

Nae

Reconstruction Surgery….the REST of the story.

So I got a little (ok A LOT) sidetracked on my blog with inspirational messages and holiday wishes during the months that followed surgery. I haven’t had a chance to circle back to the rest of my story…until now.

As you may recall from a previous post…I spent pretty much ALL day in surgery on Tuesday, November 11^th. My incision started at one hip and traveled all the way across my abdomen to the other hip. Essentially…my “muffin top” had just been relocated to my chest. J (*insert lots of fun cheers here*)

They continued to keep a close eye on me in the days that followed. Vital signs, Doppler readings, checking incisions, emptying drainage tubes and the dreaded 1^st time I tried to get out of bed. Wow. They really mean it when they say that you don’t know what you’ve got until it is gone! Gone was the simple motion of just being able to sit up without assistance! Why was this so hard? Oh yes, your core is responsible for helping you do a lot of simple, everyday life things; sitting up, turning over in bed, standing up, lifting things…the list goes on and on.

Thank God for the hospital bed that could raise and lower me at the push of a button! It took at least 2 hospital staff to help me get up out of bed to a standing position, only to walk about 3 steps to sit down in a chair. It was painful and I didn’t like it one bit! I had to have them put extra pillows behind me on the chair because the simple act of leaning back slowly to sit in the chair was not so simple any more. It hurt and I couldn’t wait to get back in my hospital bed. Since I was in a lot of pain and it was hard for me to get up and move around, they decided that I could leave my catheter in for an extra day. (Yay for not having to go through a lot of pain just to walk to the bathroom!)

Another thing that the staff wanted me to do was to practice deep breathing. When you are under anesthesia for surgery, your breathing is slowed way down and you don’t take as many deep breaths. Because of this, your “alveoli” (little air sacs) don’t fill with air and you can experience complications like pneumonia.

To avoid complications, they gave me a little plastic “spirometer” to breathe into. It had a tall measurement tube with a ball inside of it. Coming out from that, was another tube that I needed to purse my lips around and blow into. The ball inside would rise with every one of my breaths and the height of the ball was proportionate to how much air I exhaled.

It seemed like a menial task and I didn’t see a lot of value in doing it early on, so I didn’t really do it unless my nurse asked me to. I did end up having a change of heart however, when I experienced a tight chest and difficulty breathing the night after surgery. I don’t care what anyone says, when you don’t feel like you can take deep breaths, it is kind of scary! I called the nurse and she encouraged me to get up out of bed and walk around to get my lungs working more efficiently. Get out of bed? UGH…do I have to? That’s not the easiest of tasks at this point in time.

I didn’t have a ton of options though…the breathing bothered me SO much that I did it anyways. Getting out of bed was tough, but walking around wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I took a little stroll down to the end of the hall with my little IV pole in tow and then meandered back to my room to try to rest. Thankfully, that seemed to do the trick…my breathing felt more normal and that made it easier for me to relax. 

The next evening, my dad (who had been staying at our house with the kids, so that Aaron could be with me at the hospital for the duration of my stay) brought the kids in for a visit. My sweet friend Tina (the extremely talented photographer), also came to the hospital to help me capture the visit in pictures. (Thank you Tina….I truly CHERISH all of the photos you took of my journey!! Bless your heart for helping me with this!)

When my family arrived, we decided to take a walk down the hall to the “Elsie O. Mitchell Meditation Sanctuary”. The warmth and peacefulness of this room was so inviting….had I not been dressed in hospital clothes, it would have been easy to feel like I was at a spa. Each of the elements in this room served a purpose (described best by the write up from the hospital’s Web site):

==============================
A space of healing and rest

“The Elsie O. Mitchell Meditation Sanctuary includes symbolic elements common to many faiths and traditions.

Prayer wall
Inspired by the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem, this prayer wall is a reminder of the spirit that connects us all. It is a sign of our common humanity, a shelter to gather our hopes, fears, laments and joys.

Meet the heart of God. Let go, offer up, release.

Fire element
Fire symbolizes Divine presence, community and passion. We experience this sacred fire through belonging, inner peace and wisdom. 

Gather near the fire and radiate its warmth.

Water element
Water symbolizes life, renewal and healing. Find rest beside the still waters.

Listen…receive…be refreshed.

Labyrinth
Walking the labyrinth is an ancient spiritual practice that invites us to journey inward.

Walk the sacred path with openness. Reflect. Surrender. Embrace the mystery. Listen for the spirit within.”
==============================

What a beautiful, harmonious place for patients and their families to escape to during their hospital stay. Kudos to Elsie O. Mitchell for her generosity in creating such a space!

You can click on the photos below to enlarge them (photos by Tina Vega Photography).

Another post to follow on the days and months after surgery…

Thanks for reading along. J

Love to all,

Nae

2013

 

Wanted to share our 2013 Christmas card and letter this year for those of you that we didn't get a chance to send one to...

 

You can click on the above photo to see it larger. For those of you that can't make out the saying on the painting I am holding...it says the following:

Our family is a circle of love and strength. With every birth and every union, the circle grows. Every joy shared adds more love. Every crisis faced together makes the circle stronger.

~Author Unknown

WOW. How do I put into words what we experienced this year? Of course there was fear, uncertainty, anxiety, sadness, & pain, but that is to be expected when battling breast cancer....right?

My treatments truly spanned the full length of the year and each new procedure was scary in itself because I didn't know what to expect. I had some tears along the way...most of the time because I was scared about an upcoming procedure (chemo, radiation or multiple surgeries), other tears fell from pain, but my MOST favorite tears (if there is such a thing as favorite tears)...are the tears of joy my heart felt this whole year long!

I was honored, blessed and AMAZED at the outpouring of love and support that we received. And you know what was really cool about the whole thing? People stepped up to help me that I didn't even know, or barely knew. We were showered with cards, prayers, meals, rides for the kids, play dates, chemo companions, care packages, you name it...if we needed it people were there for us. I have never felt so LOVED.

And Aaron, the kids and my family were ALWAYS there for me...I was NEVER alone. Thank you to all of you that extended a hand to help, the gift of your time, or your thoughts & prayers. EVERY gesture was very special to me! Currently they think I am "CANCER FREE" & I don't think I will EVER get tired of hearing those words!

We have been very open with the kids about my diagnosis & what it means to have cancer. They helped me shave my head, they attended chemo with me when they were off of school, they walked in Race for the Cure with about 25 other friends/family (something I still need to post pictures of *smile*), they participated in Relay for Life & they were able to attend "Kids Kamp" which is put on by the Angel Foundation for families dealing with cancer. (Wonderful organization by the way!)

They have continuously made me feel loved with special cards and artwork displaying "hope" and the cancer ribbon, and Deion always points out people wearing pink & cancer commercials when they are on. "Mom, you should probably watch this." I know their little minds are thinking about it, but I hope that we have given them enough knowledge about it so that they feel power & not fear.

Other things going on this past year with our family...

This past spring, Piper & Anika made the 10U fastpitch softball team. Piper is learning the ropes as a pitcher & Anika as a catcher. (Piper pitched the whole state tourney this past fall...she threw over 300 pitches & their team took 2nd. Anika was catching, all except one inning, & hit her very first home run!) Aaron has been really involved with coaching & I tried to help keep books. And yes, I am THAT mom....you may not see me, but you will definitely HEAR me cheering from the dugout!

Deion had his first year of t-ball (although he prefers I call it baseball). He loved playing...especially when he got to hit, stand on the pitcher's mound or play catcher. He also enjoyed beating the moms in the kids vs. moms end of the season game!

Aaron started a job as the Senior Director of IT at a new company. He loves working there & they have been SO supportive of him working remotely when needed (Aaron never missed being with me for a big chemo day or surgery). Other perks, are his job is close to home & we have been blessed with good insurance! Oh My Gosh...I just realized I forgot to mention a very important detail in our original Christmas letter mailing. Aaron got his very first HOLE IN ONE at the golf course this past summer!! It was during a golf scramble with our dear friends Toni and John, on a par 3 hole (about 175 yards with a 7 iron). Yay Aaron!

Last, but not least...Aaron & I were lucky to squeeze in a trip to Ireland for a wedding in June...such a great time with friends and a time for us to reconnect and celebrate being "half" done with treatment.

Much Love From Our Family...To Yours! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

The PRECIOUS Present.

Last week, I was in charge of leading our Mom’s Group meeting at church. What does this entail exactly? Well…I get to stand up in front of a group of anywhere between 20-50 women, welcome everyone, run through agenda items, introduce the current speaker, and offer up some words of inspiration. I always struggle with the words of inspiration part. There are a bazillion poems, prayers and stories on the Internet….how do I find the perfect message? I need something to inspire us during the season or something to encourage us as we trudge through our busy mom lives…hmmmmmmmm.

Two days before our meeting, I was shopping at Pier One for an ornament for an ornament exchange. (By the way…very dangerous to shop at Pier One during the holidays…so many BEAUTIFUL, sparkly things….and I LOVE sparkly things!) Anyways, as I was looking for an ornament to give away, and I came across an ornament that spoke very loudly to me. It was THIS one:

 

 

 

It caught my eye because it was sparkly, pink and very symbolic of my cancer journey this past year. It reminded me of the quote that I keep referencing about life being a “gift”. I have been blessed with the very special GIFT of being cancer-free this Christmas. I don’t EVER want to forget that. Okay…I HAVE to have this ornament! So, into my shopping basket it went and here it sits on my kitchen table as a simple reminder of one of the many things I am thankful for.

Wait a minute….this sparkly, pink gift reminds me of a very beautiful message I heard back in college. It was a book called the “The Precious Present”, by Spencer Johnson. My dear friend Kari gave me this book as a birthday present after we enjoyed hearing one of our favorite campus pastors read it out loud to us earlier that year.

This book contains the PERFECT message! Inspirational? Yes! Pertinent to us moms? Check! Moving and thought-provoking? Absolutely!

I chose to read a portion of the book to my mom’s group at church. The beginning of the story was an easy read for me, but toward the end of the excerpt I chose, I had to fight back tears as I tried to steady my voice. Oh boy…I didn’t want to cry in front of all of these people!  *deep breath* (The “old Renee” would have been embarrassed to get emotional in front of a group. The “NEW Renee” knew deep down inside it was OK! It was OK because everyone in that room knew about the hardships of my journey, in fact many of them were a part of the HUGE support system that carried me through it. There was no judgement in the room that day….only warmth and love!)

It is such a beautiful message, that I would like to share a portion of it with you here…I hope you will take a few moments to read through it…I think you will enjoy it!
 
The Precious Present, by Spencer Johnson

Once there was a boy, who listened to an old man. And, thus, began to learn about The Precious Present.

“It is a present because it is a gift,” the contented man explained. "And it is called The Precious Present, because it is the best present of all."

When the boy asked why, the old man explained.  

“It is the best present a person can receive because anyone who receives such a gift is happy forever.”

“Wow!” the little boy exclaimed. “I hope someone gives me The Precious Present. Maybe I’ll get it for Christmas.”

The boy ran off to play. And the old man smiled.

He liked to watch the little boy play. He saw the smile on the youngster’s face and heard him laughing as he swung from a nearby tree. The boy was happy. And it was a joy to see.
 
The old man also liked to watch the boy work. He even rose early on Saturday mornings to watch the little laborer across the street mow the lawn. The boy actually whistled while he worked. The little child was happy no matter what he was doing. It was, indeed, a joy to behold.

When he thought about what the old man had said, the boy thought he understood. He knew about presents… 

Like the bicycle he got for his birthday and the gifts he found under the tree on Christmas morning. But as the boy thought more about it, he knew. The joy of toys never lasts forever.

The boy began to feel uneasy. “What then,” he wondered, “is The Precious Present?

“What could be so good… so much better than any other present…that it is called The Precious Present?”

“What could possibly make me happy forever?”

He found it difficult to even imagine the answer. And so he returned to ask the old man.

“Is The Precious Present a magical ring? One that I might put on my finger and make all my wishes come true?”

“No,” he was told.

The Precious Present
Has Nothing TO Do With Wishing.

As the boy grew older he continued to wonder. He went to the old man.

“Is The Precious Present a flying carpet?” he inquired.  “One that I could get on and go any place that I liked?”

“No,” the man quietly replied.

When You Have The Precious Present
You Are Perfectly Content To Be Where You Are.

Now that the boy was becoming a young man, he felt a bit foolish for asking. But he was uncomfortable. He began to see that he was not achieving what he wanted. “Is The Precious Present, “he slowly ventured, “a sunken treasure? Perhaps rare gold coins buried by pirates long ago?”

“No, young man,” the old man told him. “It is not.”

The Richness Is Rare Indeed, But…
The Wealth Of The Precious Present Comes Only From Itself.

The young man thought for a moment. Then he became annoyed.

“You told me,” the young man said, “that anyone who receives such a present would be happy forever. I never got such a gift as a child.”

“I’m afraid you don’t understand,” the old man responded.

You Already Know What The Precious Present Is.
You Already Know Where To Find It.
And You Already Know How It Can Make You Happy.
You Knew It Best When You Were A Small Child.
You Have Simply Forgotten.

The young man went away to think. But as time passed, he became frustrated, and, finally, angry. He eventually confronted the old man.

“If you want me to be happy, “the young man shouted, “why don’t you just tell me what the The Precious Present is?”

“And where to find it?” the old man volleyed.

“Yes, exactly,” the young man demanded.

“I would like to,” the old man began. “But I do not have such power. No one does. Only you have the power to make yourself happy,” the old man said. “Only you.”

The Precious Present Is Not Something That Someone Gives To You.
It Is A Gift That You Give Yourself.

The young man was confused, but determined. He resolved to find The Precious Present himself.

And so…He packed his bags. He left where he was. And went elsewhere to look for The Precious Present.

After many frustrating years, the man grew tired of looking for the The Precious Present.

He had read all the latest books. And he had looked in The Wall Street Journal. He had looked in the mirror. And into the faces of other people.

He had wanted so much to find The Precious Present. He had gone to extraordinary lengths. He had looked for it at the tops of mountains and in cold dark caves. He had searched for it in dense, humid jungles. And underneath the seas. 

But it was all to no avail. His stressful search had exhausted him. Occasionally, he even became ill. But he did not know why.

The man returned wearily to the old man’s side. The old man was happy to see him. They often smiled and occasionally laughed out loud together. The young man liked to be with the old man. He felt happy in his presence. He guessed that this was because the old man felt happy with himself.

It wasn’t that the old man’s life was so trouble-free. He didn’t appear to have a lot of money. He seemed to be alone most of the time. In fact, there was no apparent reason why he was so much happier and healthier than most people.  

But happy he was. And so were those who spent time with him. “Why does it feel so good to be with him?” the young man wondered. “Why?” He left wondering.

After many years, the once-young man returned to inquire further. He was now very unhappy and often ill. He needed to talk with the old man.

But the old man had grown very, very old. And, all too soon, he spoke no more. The wise voice could no longer be heard.

The man was alone.

At first, he was saddened by the loss of his old friend. And then he became frightened. Very frightened. He was afraid that he would never learn how to be happy. Until…

He finally accepted what had always been true. He was the only one who could find his own happiness. The unhappy man recalled what the happy old man had told him so many years ago. But as hard as he tried he could not figure it out…He tried to understand what he had heard.  

The Precious Present Has Nothing To Do With Wishing…
When You Have The Precious Present You Will Be Perfectly Content To Be Where You Are…
The Richness Of The Precious Present Comes From Its Own Source…
The Precious Present Is Not Something That Someone Gives To You…
It Is Something You Give To Yourself…

The unhappy man was now tired of looking for The Precious Present. He had grown so tired of trying that he simply stopped trying. 

And then, it happened! He didn’t know why it happened when it happened. It just…happened!

He realized that The Precious Present was just that:

The Present.

Not the past; and not the future, but The Precious Present.

He realized that the present moment is always precious. Not because it is absolutely flawless, which it often seems not to be. But because it is absolutely everything it is meant to be…at that moment.

In an instant the man was happy. He realized that he was in The Precious Present. He raised both hands triumphantly into the cool, fresh air. He was joyous…For one moment…

Then, just as quickly as he had discovered it, he let the joy of The Precious Present evaporate. He slowly lowered his hands, touched his forehead, and frowned. The man was unhappy---once again.  

“Why,” he asked himself, “didn’t I see the obvious long ago? Why have I missed so many precious moments? Why has it taken me so long to live in the present?” As the man remembered his fruitless travels around the world in his search for The Precious Present he knew how much happiness he had lost.

In the past, he had sensed what he thought was imperfect in too many moments. He had not experienced what each special time and place had to offer. He had missed a great deal. And he felt sad. The man continued to berate himself. And then he saw what he was doing. He observed that he was trapped by his guilt about the past.

When he became aware of his unhappiness and of his being in the past, he returned to the present moment. And he was happy.  

But then the man began to worry about the future. “Will I,” he asked, “be able to know the joy of living in The Precious Present tomorrow?” Then he saw he was living in the future and laughed---at himself.

He listened to what he now knew. And he heard the wisdom of his own voice.

It Is Wise For Me To Think About The Past And To Learn From My Past.
But It Is Not Wise For Me To Be In The Past.
For That Is How I Lose My Self.

It Is Also Wise To Think About The Future And To Prepare For My Future.
But It Is Not Wise For Me To Be In The Future.
For That, Too, Is How I Lose My Self.

And When I Lose My Self
I Lose What Is Most Precious To Me…

==============================
Although the story does not end here, I felt like this excerpt really conveyed the message I wanted to share with you this holiday season. J Thanks for taking the time to read along….

As my friend Kari inscribed on the inside cover of my book…”May you never let go of the PRECIOUS PRESENT.”

Love to all…

Nae

FEELING BLESSED.

December 20, 2012.

365 days ago today…my world CHANGED.

Breast Cancer. Uncertainty. Anxiety. Treatments. Love. Support. AND THE BLESSINGS OF PERSPECTIVE. 

“Life is not always tied with a bow, but it is always a gift!”**

Happy to be celebrating this year’s Christmas CANCER FREE!

**saw this quote in the newspaper last spring....LOVED it...just don't know the author.

Reconstruction Surgery...Day 1

Let’s see….where did I end off last time? Oh yes…I think I was frantically prepping for surgery and trying to enjoy some chips and dip, followed by a glass of yummy egg nog before the clock struck midnight. J Ha!

Following my midnight snack, I proceeded to follow the instructions for showering the night before surgery. (And they don’t just tell you to jump in the shower before going to the hospital. Nope….they give you very SPECIFIC instructions including a list of accepted anti-bacterial soaps that you are supposed to use.) The sheet of paper from the surgeon states that you should wash with special soap a good 3 or 4 times from your chin to your toes, concentrating specifically on surgical incision areas the night before surgery and then again the morning of. I showered at about midnight, slept in fresh clean sheets for a couple of hours (another tip on the surgical instruction sheet) and then got up around 6 something to do it all over again. Needless to say, I think that I was pretty darn clean!

My surgery was scheduled to start at 9:00 a.m. on 11/12/13, so we needed to be at the hospital around 7:00 for check-in. Once we got there, they gave me a number of hospital bracelets to wear…1 white, 1 red, 1 yellow and 1 pink.

The WHITE one stated my name and had several scannable “QR barcodes” on it. (from Wikipedia: A Quick Response code consists of black square dots arranged in a square grid, which can be read by an imaging device.)  Every time they would give me a new medication they would confirm my name and birth date with me verbally, and then they would use a little cash register scanner of sorts to scan the barcode on my bracelet.  

The RED one stated my allergies to medecine.

The YELLOW one stated that I was a fall risk…not because of my sheer gracefulness, but because of my anesthesia. (And YES I had to look up how to spell anesthesia J).

And the PINK one was a “limb alert” bracelet. Once you have had lymph nodes removed on one side of your body, they advise against having blood pressures taken or IVs drawn from that side due to the risk of something called Lymphedema. (Lymphedema involves swelling in the limb that can be controlled, but not cured.)

I was still a little apprehensive about being under for such a long period of time, but every nurse I talked to that morning reassured me that I really shouldn’t worry about it and that they had everything under control. Alrighty then….time to just let that go! J

Aaron sat with me as I was prepped in my pre-op room (vitals, IV placement, etc.), and then around 9:00 I was off to surgery. I don’t remember much accept feeling uneasy as they poked and prodded on the back of my spine in the operating room before they began. The next 11 hours are a blur. Ok….I don’t know if I can even call them a blur, because I really don’t remember any of it.
 
I wasn’t sure if I was going to feel “rested” after being out for most of the day, but I did indeed wake up groggy and tired. (Probably as a result of being on pain meds.) After numerous requests that morning, I was pleasantly surprised to wake up in a private room at about 8:30 p.m. Surgery took a good 9 hours and then I was in the recovery room for another 2 hours after that.

Aaron (bless his heart) never left my side. He slept on an uncomfortable chair all night long as the hospital staff came in every hour to check on me. Their check-ins consisted of taking my temperature, my blood pressure, checking my oxygen levels, administering medication, and examining my newly formed breasts.

For those of you that don’t know, I did not have implants or expanders for my reconstruction. Instead, I chose to do the TRAM flap procedure, which consisted of the surgeon using my own skin, fat, and muscle (taken from my abdomen) to construct new breasts. It is a lengthy surgery because the surgeon needs to be very precise in lining up the blood vessels on my chest after taking the tissue off of my abdomen. (For those of you that have had twins, you know how stretched out your skin gets and no matter what you do, it always just kind of hangs there. This was just an added bonus gift after all that I have had to endure this year. *big smile*)

In addition to observing my breasts visually and feeling the skin each hour, the nurses also used a Doppler machine to listen to them. Wait a minute….isn’t that something you hear on the weather channel? Well yes, it is, but it is also a tool that they use in the hospital.  

The Doppler machine has a cord with a small silver wand at the end (see picture below). They put an ultrasound-type gel on the end of the wand and they use it to monitor the blood flow in and out of your “flap”. If the blood flow is not sufficient to the new breasts, there is a risk of partial or complete loss of the tissue flap. (Insufficient blood flow is a bad thing and can require extra surgical care, that’s why they monitor this every hour for at least the first day or so.) Needless to say, I was happy to hear them find that “wispy-heartbeat-type-sound” every hour that they checked for it. J

Despite being woken up every hour for check-ups, what am I feeling? Besides feeling a little out of it, I feel HOT because they have a heated blanket on top of me (to encourage circulation to my new breast tissue) and the insides of my ELBOWS really hurt. And YES, I said elbows. Not breasts. Elbows. *smile* I could not for the life of me figure out why I couldn’t feel ANY pain on my breasts at all, but the inside portion of my arms REALLY hurt!?! What?

After quizzing the medical staff, I realized that my arms had been strapped down straight for a good 9 hours and that is why they were sore! Well DUH! Why didn’t I think of that? Now that I know why it hurts to straighten my arms….what can we do about it? Ahhh yes, ice packs! Regardless of how silly I must have looked, I was happy to have some relief, even if it only included having cool arms amidst the hot flashes of the heated blanket all night long.

Morning arrived and my surgeon stopped by to check me over. She was pleased with how the surgery went and said things were looking good so far. Hooray!

(You can click on the picture collage to enlarge it. More pictures to come in another post...)
 

Stay tuned for more information on the rest of my hospital stay and my recovery…

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers on that day and every day! There is POWER in prayer and I truly believe that…

Love to all,

Nae

 

Radiation Part 3 AND Reconstruction Surgery

Hi all…

Just trying to get caught up on my blog entries before surgery TOMORROW! EEK….where does the time go?? I will finish with some more thoughts below on radiation and then will talk briefly about my plans for reconstruction. Thanks again for following along…and of course, for being patient with my sporadic postings. J

My radiation treatments consisted of the same routine practically every day, except that every other day was “wet towel” day. On these days, the techs would get me all set up and then they would put a wet towel over my chest where the beams were pointing. They said that this was a way to control and vary the depth of the radiation so that the beams would affect my body more closely to the skin. I find it interesting to think about a wet towel providing another “layer” of my body and wonder how they came up with that technique….or any of their techniques for that matter? How do they KNOW that the beams are pointing precisely where they want them to point? (They ARE invisible, which seems kind of crazy to me.) And how do they really know how much air I need to inhale so that my chest will be at the exact location so they aren’t radiating any of my internal organs? Some things are just beyond my level of comprehension, but I am sure thankful that my doctors get it! I am constantly amazed by the level of technology and medicine we have available to us these days.

So the actual radiation procedure didn’t hurt at all, but what the radiation did to my skin sure was painful! One of our good friends compared the idea of my skin being radiated to the idea that it was, in a sense, being “microwaved”. Which is kind of yucky to think about, but it made understanding the burns easier for me. When I looked in the mirror, I could tell a definite difference in the color of my skin where it was radiated. It was pink at first, then turned a bright “sunburn” red, and then became seriously blistered (bigger than a half dollar size blisters in places). The most painful part was having OPEN blisters both on my chest and under my armpit. OUCH! My skin was RAW and it was NOT pleasant.

Again, my radiation techs and nurses weren’t the most nurturing people on the planet, so they only gave me lotions and protective patches for my skin when I proactively asked for them. (Even though they could obviously SEE my skin was raw, it was like pulling teeth to get extra patches from them. And it wasn’t until I was around other breast cancer patients at a support group that I was told there was a prescription level cream that I could be using to help my open blisters heal. I was really ANGRY that no one at my doctor’s office had even mentioned this as an option to me! Seriously…I shouldn’t have to call my nurse and ASK for a prescription cream for my burns, I feel like she should have just offered it up as an option. Sorry to sound bitter, but I really WAS bitter! *sigh*)

Anyways, I was able to play in a few volleyball tournaments over the course of my radiation treatments (which I LOVED!)…but it wasn’t an easy process to get ready for a day in the sand with open blisters. Armed with gauze padding, multiple rolls of pre-wrap and adhesive wrap for on top, Aaron carefully wrapped me up like a little mummy before we went out for the day. It was a tricky procedure, because I needed to be wrapped tightly enough so the bandages wouldn’t fall off, but I needed to be able to take a deep breath too! J

My skin got so bad toward the end, that they made me take some time off before finishing my last few treatments. While it was nice to have a break from the radiation, I was a little concerned because I didn’t think my skin would be healed for my surgery reconstruction date of September 3rd.

A week before my scheduled surgery, I went in to meet with my plastic surgeon. At that time, my skin was almost completely healed except for a very small scab (about the size of a lima bean). I was surprised at how well it had healed, but she said I wasn’t ready for surgery yet. (Even a very small opening in the skin can cause a huge risk for infection, and she didn’t want to chance it.) We decided it was better to push out my surgery date. And since we were already postponing it, I jumped at the chance to get some more indoor volleyball tournaments in before having another surgery.

My favorite number is 12. So November 12^th sounded like a good day to have surgery. Wait a MINUTE….not only is it the 12^th day of the month, but it is actually 11/12/13! How cool is that? I don’t think I will ever forget that and it must be a good omen….right? I sure hope so, because I am a little anxious about having surgery tomorrow.  

It’s not the idea of having surgery, but the length of the surgery that has me a little nervous. I am scheduled to have a TRAM flap reconstruction surgery. What does that mean exactly? Well, they are going to use skin/muscle/fat from my abdomen (think free tummy tuck….woohoo!!), to form newly reconstructed breasts. The surgery is low risk, but the idea of being under for 8+ hours seems excessively long to me! I have had a few tears thinking about it along the way and I am sure they will flow freely tomorrow morning, but that is just how I deal with each new uncertain challenge and things have always turned out just fine! (Knock on lots of wood….and YES….I really did just knock on wood. *smile*)

So here I am trying to get this blog post up at 11:30pm the night before my surgery. For those of you that know me well…you are laughing at me leaving things to the last minute….AGAIN. I don’t think I will ever learn, but the good news is that I have been so busy today, that I really haven’t had a chance to sit and worry! Worrying is never fun, so I am going to do my best to LET GO and just have faith in the path that God has in store for me. If you have a moment to send a little prayer my way on 11/12/13 for a smooth surgery…I would highly appreciate it. J

I’d better sign off for now…I still have to water my plants, pack, take a shower with special soap (yes….these were the instructions from my doc) and eat something before the clock strikes midnight! HA!

I hope you all know how very much you mean to me! I have the best family and friends a girl could ask for.

Love and Hugs….

Nae